Return of the Volcano – Episode 1740 (1741/1753)
Episode 1740. Can you hold on? (5)
It’s quiet. Neither the one standing nor the one sitting opened their mouths.
Even though they knew each other was there, they just remained silent.
The half-dark moonlight moves slowly as if tickling Baekcheon’s face. Just enough time passed for the moonlight to slowly disappear and deep darkness to fall.
For that long time, Cheongmyeong just stood silently.
At the end of what felt like an eternity of silence, Cheongmyeong’s frozen mouth finally became soft.
“Are you holding a grudge?”
Baekcheon’s eyes slowly turned to Cheongmyeong. It creaked like a rusty hinge was being opened. The difficult movement stopped, and the empty eyes stared at Cheongmyeong.
Cheongmyeong, who met those eyes, thought it was a little strange.
When you first met Baekcheon, what were his eyes like? He doesn’t remember much. Because it was already a long time ago.
But at least it wouldn’t have looked like it does now.
Perhaps he was full of hope and confidence. Reckless, but also with the dazzling confidence that comes with it.
“It’s resentment… … .”
A cracked voice came out softly. His voice was somewhat empty, like his eyes.
Baekcheon’s eyes look beyond Cheongmyeong to somewhere further away. Cheongmyeong now saw his past self in Baekcheon.
What is Baekcheon looking at now? Cheongmyeong clenched and unclenched his fists.
Baekcheon spoke slowly.
“… … “If I have to do it, where should I start?”
“… … .”
“Is this the person who made this decision? … . Or is it the scam that made me like this? Or is it me who lived recklessly without knowing the price I had to pay? Which of them… … .”
Baekcheon, who was muttering to himself, snorted. No, more accurately, it was meant to be a laugh, but ended up not being able to do so, and it was like leftovers that were scattered around. That empty sound spreads through the dark night.
“Who should I blame? no… … . “Who should I blame first?”
Baekcheon’s eyes turned to his hands.
What did you say you should hold?
well. Now there’s nothing left for him to hold on to.
Maybe this hand can no longer hold anything. Maybe he just wasn’t acknowledging the fact that everyone knew.
Nevertheless… … .
“… … “I was able to endure it.”
Baekcheon looked up at Cheongmyeong again.
“I could bear it. The sneer, the pitiful look, the pain as if my internal organs were being ripped out… … . And misery.”
A small sneer appeared at the corner of Baekcheon’s mouth.
“Even if I had to endure everything, even if that path meant living through hell, I just wanted to choose. By my own will, not by someone else. “With my own hands.”
My eyes wandered blankly into space again. She still seemed blank, but a small light shimmered in her eyes, as if she was searching for something.
But for a moment, Baekcheon’s eyes went blank again.
Because there is nowhere to look.
“however… … Even that is not allowed. Even that… … .”
The words were scattered in vain.
I know. All of Hyeonjong’s decisions were only for Baekcheon. For him, Hyeonjong threw away countless things.
The same goes for others. Everyone is worried about him. Maybe he is a lucky person. but… … .
“It’s strange. I tried so hard, tried so hard… … “In the end, it all stays where it is.”
Cheongmyeong’s eyes darkened a little more.
“In the end, I end up living a life that is different from my will. “It’s a life for me even though I didn’t choose it.”
Baekcheon’s eyes turn to Cheongmyeong.
“Where did it go wrong? No, was it wrong from the beginning? Was what I wanted too much and too difficult? Perhaps I was too presumptuous? “Did you dare not wish for something like me?”
“… … .”
“Answer me.”
Baekcheon’s voice cracks.
“Answer me.”
Baekcheon, crouched in the dark, was in danger as if it would collapse at any moment and spill over.
“You always gave me the answer. “You showed me the way to go.”
Cheongmyeong closed his eyes tightly. My eyelashes fluttered.
“So tell me. What should I do, where should I go. I… … “What on earth can I do?”
Qingming didn’t say anything. He couldn’t. Because no words have any meaning.
No matter what you say now, it’s just empty.
“Try something. Even if it’s not an answer… … Whether it’s comforting, reprimanding, or cursing… … Anything. “Don’t just stand there like that.”
“… … .”
“Anything… … Please tell me something, please… … .”
Baekcheon, who had been pleading, finally collapsed. Helplessly, as if it were flowing.
“please… … .”
A bony, dry hand scratched helplessly on the old floor. Her shoulders are shaking slightly.
Cheongmyeong looked down at the scene in silence for a long time before opening his mouth.
“There is nothing wrong.”
“… … .”
“In the first place, loss is something you cannot choose. Losing even though you didn’t want to lose. “That is loss.”
As much as you gain, you also have to lose a lot. That’s what living is like.
Cheongmyeong knew it well enough to be sick of it.
The pain of losing something you shouldn’t lose. I also know that the deep color of loss actually makes death milder.
But at the same time, I couldn’t tell how Baekcheon was feeling right now. For a hundred people, there are a hundred different losses and correspondingly different responses.
That is why Cheongmyeong did not offer clumsy consolation. Because it is not polite to someone who is pushed to the edge of despair and struggling fiercely.
Baekcheon’s empty pupils contained clarity.
“… … “There is nothing wrong.”
“okay.”
Baekcheon laughed softly.
“Is that so? So what should I do now?”
A hollow laugh pierced Cheongmyeong’s heart deeply. However, Cheongmyeong had no choice but to remain silent.
“Answer me.”
However, he just looked straight at Baekcheon. Then, in Baekcheon’s eyes, which had been empty all along, many emotions suddenly mixed and blurred.
Cheongmyeong said with difficulty.
“I never gave Sasuk an answer. “If you felt that way, it was your mistake.”
In fact, Cheongmyeong never thought of himself as ‘telling’ the right path. Because he is a person who has not even found the right path himself.
rather… … What I relied on was Cheongmyeong.
He couldn’t find the ‘right path’, but he believed that they could find it.
But the person I trusted the most lost my way. Instead, the person who was believed to open the way has collapsed here. At a cliff where you can’t go any further.
Cheongmyeong didn’t know what to say to someone like that.
What can someone who is not allowed to turn around or go any further do?
Then Baekcheon asked back.
“okay?”
At that moment, I saw Cheongmyeong. One emotion bloomed very clearly in Baekcheon’s eyes, where the dregs of countless emotions had settled down.
“Then what did you come for?”
It’s not like resentment.
“Are you trying to comfort me?”
that… … It was jealousy.
“Have you come to laugh at me? Oh, or are you trying to preach with proper words? “What else are you going to say with that amazing mouth?”
I thought I knew.
It must be dazzling. So much so that I can’t bear to see him face to face. Because everything that Baekcheon desperately wanted is now available to Cheongmyeong. At least that’s how it will appear in Baekcheon’s eyes.
When we thought we were walking together, when we thought we were following a trajectory, it would have just seemed brilliant. But when you think you can’t do that anymore, the light is so dazzling.
So much so that I go blind. Enough to burn one person’s heart to charcoal.
Cheongmyeong was used to that kind of look. Nevertheless, the reason this moment was so painful and suffocating was because the person in front of me was the person I thought was the furthest from those eyes.
“I am… … .”
Cheongmyeong hesitated for a moment. I thought it would be self-deprecating.
Baekcheon probably doesn’t know.
“I seem to misunderstand…” … “I am not as great or as outstanding a person as Sasook thinks.”
I’ve already said it several times. This is not clumsy humility. I have said this over and over again with sincerity.
“I don’t have anything to say to Sasuk.”
Some people may see brilliance in Cheongmyeong, but it is nothing more than a fake. Cheongmyeong is nothing but a ship in the vast ocean filled with willless power that Baekcheon discussed.
You don’t know where to go unless someone tells you.
“Then what are you going to do…?” … .”
“I didn’t come because I had something to say to Sasuk.”
Cheongmyeong interrupted Baekcheon with an indifferent voice.
“I came to tell my story.”
Baekcheon was embarrassed even in the midst of deep despair. It was worth it for Cheongmyeong to tell his story in front of himself like this.
“No one asked.”
“what… … .”
“How did I escape from the siege of the Sapae-ryeon? “Why did he obediently let me go?”
Baekcheon’s eyes shook slightly. She hadn’t even thought about it. It was fortunate that Cheongmyeong arrived in the middle of an emergency.
However, after hearing this, a belated question arose.
Why did Jang Il-so just let Cheongmyeong go?
If I had wanted to, even if I couldn’t kill him, I could have pushed him to the point where he couldn’t intervene in the battlefield. Why did they bother to let Cheongmyeong go?
“Do you know how I got out?”
“You can’t believe it… … .”
Cheongmyeong chuckled as if he could guess.
“Don’t misunderstand. “Because there was no such thing as a deal.”
“… … .”
“They just sent it to me.”
“what?”
“Just obediently, without any conditions or demands for compensation.”
Suspicion appeared on Baekcheon’s face.
At the same time, the corners of Cheongmyeong’s mouth rose strangely. It was a completely different feeling from anything Baekcheon had ever seen.
Cheongmyeong suddenly looked up at the night sky. It felt like I could hear Jang Il-so’s ridicule in my ears.
– Why do you think I’m wary of you? huh?
“He said that.”
– After all, you are just a little pig with a full stomach.
Cheongmyeong blinked slowly.
– That’s right.
“The moment I chose the party line and ignored the extinction of Jeomchang, I was just a hypocrite who only talked about it anyway.”
Jang Il-so’s bright smile comes to mind. She felt as if her whole body was being squeezed.
– Talk to the people who died there. You are keeping that good agreement. Doesn’t that sound like fun?
Jang Il-so left those words and left first.
But in fact, the guy didn’t back down. At least the words he left were still engraved in Cheongmyeong.
No, in fact, the seal had already been engraved. The guy just dug up his unhealed scars like a ghost and sprinkled salt on them.
“It’s something I was prepared to do.”
From then on. No, maybe even before that.
If the moment of choice comes, I will never hesitate, even if it is difficult. If there is a price to pay for that choice, I will bear it all alone.
but… … .
“You said you wanted to put your will in those hands, right? That’s a good thing. By the way, Sasuk.”
Cheongmyeong chuckled.
“I’m the one who can’t catch it.”
“… … “Cheongmyeong.”
“I am. Just me… … .”
I wanted to be proud of myself. I wanted to do my best this time. But I found out.
Doing your best without will and effort without knowledge is no different from a blade wielded with your eyes closed.
Those who have lost the power to carry out their will, and those who have power but do not know the way.
The two people who were supposed to be pieces that fit each other can no longer turn their backs to each other. then… … .
“I told you to answer me. But before that, answer me first, Sasuk.”
“… … .”
“Now I… … What should I do? “What should I do?”
Baekcheon’s hands trembled.
The moon peeks out from the clouds again. Pale moonlight shone above Cheongmyeong, who fixed his gaze on the sky.
“I don’t know.”
“… … .”
“Now I too… … “I’m not sure.”
Baekcheon realized only then. Cheongmyeong’s small shoulders are collapsing.
Baekcheon, unable to bear to see, closed his eyes.
‘You were leaning on it.’
Cheongmyeong’s once strong back looks infinitely dangerous. However, even if he wanted to support Baekcheon, he had no strength anymore.
A person who loses something he shouldn’t lose and stops without knowing the way to go… … It wasn’t just Baekcheon.
