Episode 1733. What is right? (3)
People sometimes drink alcohol.
Some are happy, some are sad, and some are bitter. Because the deep scent touches everything without asking anything.
But on a day like today, when the bright moonlight falls on the end of one’s sleeves, alcohol consumes people.
Squeak.
Cheongmyeong stretched out his hand and poured alcohol into the glass in front of him.
Above the old eaves. A place where the scent of old roof tiles flows in. There are so many people together, but in a place where it feels like there are only two of us in the world.
Squeak.
The fully filled glass suddenly floated into the air. But at that moment, her bony hand reached out and lightly pressed down on her drink glass.
“Leave it alone.”
“… … .”
The glass was slowly placed on the floor again. Then Baekcheon stretches out both hands and grabs the glass.
It’s not easy.
Those hands, trembling like aspen trees, were showing how difficult it was for Baekcheon to lift that small cup with both hands.
However, Baekcheon manages to raise the glass to his mouth. Even though more than half of the alcohol fell to the floor and cold sweat broke out on my forehead in that short period of time.
“hmm… … .”
Baekcheon takes a sip of alcohol and puts the glass down on the floor without making a sound.
“Good.”
“… … .”
“There are some good things about losing martial arts. “I don’t know how long it’s been since alcohol felt like fire.”
Cheongmyeong burst out laughing at those words.
“Then you should drink some sooner.”
“It’s too much.”
Baekcheon shrugs his bony shoulders.
“I can lift a glass, but it’s hard to get sick. “You have to have someone to pour you a drink.”
“There must be more than a hundred people out there who can manipulate you with just one finger.”
“yes. however.”
Baekcheon spoke in a slightly bitter voice.
“My eyes are scary.”
“… … .”
“The eyes that look at me like they don’t know what to do.”
Baekcheon laughs briefly.
The words that would follow if he opened his mouth here were too heavy, so Cheongmyeong just poured another drink into his empty glass.
The moon rises inside a filled glass.
The moon I have seen in the past. This month is no different now. But now it is a month that is bound to be different.
The world doesn’t change. Nevertheless, the reason the world looks different is probably because the people who see the world have changed. What does the world look like to Baekcheon now? Will that world be the same as the world he knew?
“I managed to find it.”
“what?”
“I mean, I’m there. “A person who can’t even sense his presence.”
Baekcheon laughs at those words and takes another drink.
With those still bony hands.
“I didn’t find it.”
“… … .”
“I just thought it would be like that. “It will be there.”
The alcohol in the glass is emptied into Baekcheon’s mouth.
Cheongmyeong, who was watching this, grabbed his glass and poured the full drink into his mouth.
A small heat lingers on the tip of my tongue.
But this is just the taste of alcohol that Cheongmyeong feels, and it will be different from what Baekcheon is feeling right now. Even though they were in the same place and sharing the same drink, they had to drink different drinks.
Cheongmyeong’s eyes glance downwards at the eaves. It’s visible in his eyes. No, his senses feel it. Even though they were kicked out after hearing the order to banish the guests, they couldn’t get away from Baekcheon’s place and just loitered around.
“They have no answers.”
“… … .”
“You don’t make a fuss, Won.”
And Baekcheon seemed to know that too. You don’t have to see it with your eyes or feel it.
But Cheongmyeong looked at Baekcheon in silence. With emotionless eyes that don’t know what’s inside.
“It’s empty.”
“hmm.”
Cheongmyeong picks up the bottle and pours it back into Baekcheon’s empty glass.
Squeak.
The drink filled up again, but Baekcheon did not touch the glass this time. Instead, he lifted his head and looked up at the moon in the sky.
“What do you think?”
“… … .”
“Are you going to convince me too?”
At those words, Cheongmyeong burst into light laughter again.
“It was Sasook who invited me to have a drink. “Not me.”
“okay. “That’s right.”
Baekcheon smiled slightly.
“so? “Just because the circumstances change doesn’t mean your mind will change.”
“well.”
Cheongmyeong did not bother to answer.
There was no need to find a particularly great reason or deep insight. Just knowing. What kind of choice you make is only up to you. Any advice or help is meaningless.
Because I’ve already seen it.
An era in which the two letters “death” have become insensitive. A time when the two letters ‘injury’ were considered a blessing. Those who had to hold on to their broken sword and shed tears in that heartless world.
What did Cheongmyeong say to them at that time?
“I am not qualified.”
“… … .”
After hearing those words, Baekcheon quietly lowered his gaze and looked at the alcohol filled in his glass.
“It’s a qualification… … .”
Baekcheon’s fingertips, as dry as the branches of an old tree, touch the glass of wine.
“Ever since we started this war.”
Maybe calmly, maybe bleakly, maybe even bitterly.
Baekcheon’s voice flows out slowly.
“How many people died?”
“… … .”
“I found out again. They too, one by one… … “Everyone must have had something.”
Things you shouldn’t lose.
“however… … . “I didn’t think their deaths were that big of a deal.”
A few wins and a few losses.
In war, the meaning of death fades. I know that each and every one of them can never be light, but unlike the righteous words I say, I couldn’t mourn each of those deaths.
“So it was funny.”
Baekcheon held the glass with trembling hands.
“What’s so big about losing an arm? What’s so big about losing an education?”
“… … .”
“To this extent… … .”
What were the next words?
Are you making such a fuss? Or does it have to be this painful?
Cheongmyeong did not know the answer. And he couldn’t bear to ask. I just looked at Baekcheon with dark, sunken eyes as he lifted the glass to his lips.
Baekcheon touches his empty glass and Cheongmyeong looks at him. The confrontation that was not a confrontation between the two continued for quite a long time.
“Cheongmyeong.”
“okay.”
“Do you know when I have the most strength?”
“… … .”
Bitterness forms at the corner of Baekcheon’s mouth.
“Not when those damned bastards came and told me to go to Jongnam, and not when I found out that Soso, who treated me, was silently sobbing outside the door. It’s not when the priests who looked at me proudly can’t bear to look into my eyes, and it’s not when Jang Moon-in holds me and sheds tears with a face I’ve never seen before. even… … “This is not the time to struggle to live like a dog with your face in a bowl because you can’t even hold a spoon properly.”
Cheongmyeong’s eyes closed.
It’s not because I can’t see. It’s just that it’s too heavy. Who is he looking at? The world he has to face.
“When I just woke up.”
“… … .”
“I forgot about it then. Everything. So without thinking, I raise my hand and try to massage my face. however… … .”
Baekcheon chuckled and let out a self-deprecating sound.
“My arm doesn’t move.”
“… … .”
“The hand I barely raised was so dry as if it wasn’t mine. The moment I see it, I realize it again. Ah, this is me now.”
Baekcheon’s dry laughter flows out.
And Cheongmyeong could not respond to that dry smile. She just filled her empty glass without saying a word.
How many rounds of alcohol were circulated?
Cheongmyeong, who had been watching Baekcheon’s hands shaking more and more as the alcohol went in, broke the long silence and opened his mouth.
“Sasuk.”
“… … why.”
“Are you planning on going to Jongnam?”
“… … .”
Baekcheon raises his head and looks at Cheongmyeong.
Even Cheongmyeong couldn’t figure out what was in his eyes.
“Of course, Sasuk has a deep affection for Hwasan… … .”
“Affection?”
“… … .”
“Is that what you think?”
“Sasook. I am… … .”
“A hundred times.”
Cheongmyeong’s words flowed out in a blur and were drowned out by Baekcheon’s voice.
“No, probably a thousand times. “I decided to go to Jongnam.”
“… … .”
“But I’m still here. Do you know why?”
“well.”
Baekcheon’s eyes turn downward.
What he could see were the shaman’s antique shrines, but what he was looking at was not a shrine.
“Because I’m scared.”
“… … .”
The answer was unexpected even for Cheongmyeong.
“Going to Jongnam?”
“no.”
Baekcheon’s head shakes slightly.
“Face it.”
“… … .”
“I was after you.”
“Sasuk.”
“I hate to admit it, but I wanted to be like you. “Unbreakable, unyielding, capable of accomplishing anything.”
“I’m not that kind of person.”
“know. But the important thing is that I thought so. and… … “That’s what I wanted to be.”
Laughter leaked from Baekcheon’s lips again.
He knows too. The person named Cheongmyeong is not as strong as he thought. What he is seeing is nothing more than a thorn, the sharp end of which was desperately erected by a small human being who did not want to be hurt.
But he also wanted to be like him.
“And at some point I found out. Someone made me… … . Yes, you are looking at me like I am looking at you.”
“… … .”
“That’s why I’m scared.”
Baekcheon grabs a drink. The touch felt pitifully dangerous.
And Cheongmyeong saw. Baekcheon’s slightly bowed eyes are stained red. That’s why Cheongmyeong closed his eyes. Because there are things in the world that you shouldn’t see.
“Go to Jongnam?”
Baekcheon chuckled. With the saddest face in the world.
“Then those who look at me as I look at you will know. There is nothing more important in Hwasan than martial arts. “The time we spent together, the words, nothing else weighs as much as the swing of a sword.”
“… … .”
“Me, who used to say that there are things more important than inaction… … . “Looking at me like that.”
A low sigh flows from Cheongmyeong’s mouth.
“Sasuk.”
“I have to live.”
“… … .”
“Going to Jongnam and regaining martial arts is nothing. The problem for me is then. I will become the spoke of a volcano just by being alive. “It will live as evidence to prove that all the words spoken out of thin air were ultimately nothing more than the magnanimity of the strong.”
Baekcheon’s bloodshot eyes meet Cheongmyeong’s sunken eyes.
“I am… … . I can’t stand it, Cheongmyeong. I cannot bear to become the shackles of the volcano, and the volcano to become my shackles. “I don’t have the courage to look into those eyes.”
Cheongmyeong moved his gaze towards the distant sky.
A dark sky. In that sky, someone’s eyes were looking down at Cheongmyeong.
“I don’t know if you understand.”
Know. So painful.
So I couldn’t help but ask.
“… … So you’re going to rot?”
Baekcheon laughed slightly.
“Some things you have to lose to understand.”
“… … .”
“I think I know how the ancestors of Hwasan felt when they died. You probably wanted to run away. You probably wanted to run away. “You probably wanted to throw everything away right away and escape from that pressure.”
Cheongmyeong closed his eyes.
The person he had lost was before him again.
“But I couldn’t do that. Because their lives will become a milestone for those watching. Because there was something more important than my life and my misery.”
“… … .”
I didn’t know.
Those who died from being crushed by the weight on their shoulders.
Those who were afraid and trembled, but did not back down until the end.
I don’t think there will be anyone who understands their feelings now. Their feelings that even Cheongmyeong did not fully know, and perhaps still do not know.
That’s why it’s sad. That’s why it’s pathetic.
For them, there was liberation in the name of the end. But Baekcheon’s suffering is only just beginning.
A person bound by shackles that cannot be escaped. No, the one who put shackles on his own ankles. And this one who has to moan endlessly.
The world calls such things ghosts.
Cheongmyeong is a ghost bound to the eyes of the dead.
However, Baekcheon is about to become a ghost bound by the eyes of the living.
What is more painful?
“Are you planning to stop it?”
Cheongmyeong opened his eyes and saw Baekcheon.
Those who die and become ghosts, those who live and die.
Cheongmyeong calmly poured the drink into Baekcheon’s glass.
Just like the first time, the glass was filled with alcohol. As if it were a lie that I had already filled up my drink a few times.
So the two drank in silence.
But Baekcheon didn’t know.
He may be able to withstand his own shackles, but no one will be able to withstand the shackles on his ankles.
It was two days later that the incredible news of Baekcheon’s excommunication was delivered.
